Home > Green Orange > Mahabharata 2.0

Mahabharata 2.0

Raajneeti Duryodhan kidnaps Bheesmapithama and his sena but he is not put on a bed of arrows this time around. The arrows are either too expensive or not strong enough. Though the pain in his ‘you-know-what’ is still the same. Bheesmapithama unwillingly supports Dritharaasta to bring the Government out of majority.

Dritharaastha is so overwhelmed that he gets paralysed. Making him lose his eyesight was not considered because live telecast is a household affair now (Remember the guy who did live coverage for Dritharaastha in the previous one, right?). Kunti too stayed away from following her husband’s footsteps.

The quest for power took over Duryodhan and Yudhisthir. Sensing trouble Shakuni speaks a few magical words in the almost-dead Dritharaastha’s ears and he regains senses. Dritharaastha asks his brother (couldn’t think of his mahabharata counterpart n for him – suggestions open) to take care of Kurukshetra. His son Yudhisthir would become the Senapati or so.

Duryodhan tried to convince his father – ‘Dude, I am your son! What about me?’. Shakuni consoled him with an ear-to-ear grin.

Meanwhile a ‘wise guy’ comes from US and is starts flirting around with this chic who later becomes Duapati. Yudhisthir celebrates his semi Rajtilak by making out with Shakunthala, promising her a ticket to Sitapur.

Duryodhan and Yudhisthir are up against each other and Duryodhan is furious about the fact that Shakuni is not on his side this time. But he still manages to get Karan on his side. Karan, poor guy is again the illegitimate one!

The wise guy rejects the to-be Duapati and decides to go on an exile. His father (still can’t figure out a suitable name for this guy) agrees to see him off till the Udan Khatola point (now known as an airport). Duryodhan & Karan trap the unnamed dude and get him killed. As it is there is no point for an unnamed character in a story.

Yudhisthir and wise guy decide to fight it out and a slap on the wise guy’s face gets the hell out of him. Yudhisthir is put behind bars for a consumer complaint filed by Shakuntala for a cancelled flight to Sitapur.

Bheesmapithama yet another time signed a notice to throw Yudhisthir and his team out of the kingdom. Though out of context but it reminded me of M-Seal ad where the fat son gets his dad to put an extra zero while on deathbed.

Team Kaurav and Team Pandav (though effective family planning reduced the number from 5 to 2) prepare to battle it out in Kurukshetra. Wise guy (as his name suggests) took control and laid down a roadmap for success.

Team Pandav’s fate once again got them to the gambling table. Wise guy agreed to marry Duapati to get Dushaashan on his side. Out of repentance Dushaashan decided to play Duapati’s father but couldn’t do without putting her in a mess. Dushaashan agreed to marry Duapati not to the wise guy but Yudhisthir. It made complete sense to everyone as she is still getting the same mother-in-law, Kunti. Even Duapati thought it made sense to marry Yudhisthir and keep an eye on the wise guy rather than marrying Duryodhan.

Wise guy’s dumb blonde girlfriend suddenly lands at 3 am in the morning and calls Shakuni instead of the man himself. This chic rehearses with Shakuni how to say the three magical words but gets it incorrect. I doubt if Shakuni had specific interest in this chic.

The battle begins but the fancy arrows are a miss. Thanks to wise guy’s research and ppt on Kurukshetra’s political analysis Team Pandav was on the winning side. Duryodhan could not bear the pain of his happy and gay team member Babulal’s murder and his imminent loss in the election. He decided to blow up Yudhisthir. Inflation restricted them from building the shellac palace but he burned down a black Mercedes Benz of equivalent value. Together with the black Mercedes Yudhisthir and the dumb blonde also blew up.

Shakuni dashes for Karan to take revenge. In the blink of an eye Karan’s legal mother gets a 30 year old red piece of cloth and declares that Shakuni’s sister Kunti is karan’s biological mother. This saves Karan’s life. Kunti must have also missed her flight to Sitapur I presume.

Wise guy once again reminds Duapati of her responsibility towards her dead husband’s motherland and she agrees to imitate the Indo-Italian saree clad politician. The people of Kurukshetra couldn’t say no to the ill-fated abla naari and voted her towards power.

Wise guy decides to settle all scores once and for all and sets a trap for Duryodhan. Duryodhan and Karan get trapped and wise guy hits Duryodhan’s killer spot. Karan drags him on to his chariot and tries to escape. After a brief car chase Team Pandava get hold of them. Yudhisthir is reluctant to kill Karan but Shakuni speaks magical words in his ears and reminds him of his Karma. It worked and he shoots Karan.

Duapati wins and becomes the queen of Kurukshetra. Wise guy admits that he never wanted to get into messy warfare and is tired of it. He leaves for abode but Duapati asks him to come back soon because she is expecting his dead brother’s baby (Abhimanyu in the making).

Didn’t get it? Watch Raajneeti!

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  1. preeti pooja
    June 6, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Hilarious! Prakash Jha has to read this.
    Corrections..Nana Patekar is the Krishna of this movie as he seriously watches from the wings and gives calculative remarks to the warriors.I also felt traces of Godfather in Rajneeti. not sure if you would agree!

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